AA: Whoo-hoo!
BA: ‘the fuck?
AA: I love this tune.
BA: Lucky you. The play it a million times a day.
AA: What’s up your ass?
BA: I’m just so happy to see you.
AA: D’ja hear? Erik came in second.
BA: Who?
AA: Erik. Vendt. My sister went out with him.
BA: The swimmer?
AA: Yeah.
BA: She didn’t go out with him. She, like, met him once.
AA: They went out.
BA: I was there. Some party, we were down in Medford. He whizzed through. Janice was all over him but he left.
AA: They went out, trust me.
BA: Whatever. He came in second?
AA: Some goomy looking kid named Phelps beat him. It was just on TV.
BA: I don’t the turn set on during the Olympics.
AA: So…
BA: So I’m kinda busy here.
AA: Is that nice? I came out to say hi.
BA: to someone off GLENDA! I GOT YOUR ORDER READY! That girl is so slow.
AA: The customers love her.
BA: They love her tits, not her service.
AA: It’s a trade-off. So what are you in such a pissy mood for? I heard you’re in love.
BA: Yeah well.
AA: What, you’re gonna deny it? So you’re not denying it. You can’t deny it anyway, I seen you. You look very happy. Which is why I can’t understand this fucking attitude you’re giving me now.
BA: You want a drink? ‘cause this is a bar. You want to order a drink?
AA: I’m coming over ‘cause I’m curious: what’s so good about this one?
BA: “What does (he/she) got that I don’t got?” Wait… you’re serious. What are you telling me? That you and me were a good couple?
AA: What was wrong with us?
BA: What was wrong? To start, with you “no” means “no” but “yes” only means “maybe”, how’s that?
AA: How’s that? I don’t even know what the fuck that means.
BA: Point two: we don’t know how to communicate.
AA: Talking? Talking’s over-rated. We communicated just fine.
BA: Yeah well.
AA: We didn’t? You were faking it all that time?
BA: That was your perception of things.
AA: “Perception”, what the fuck, who are you hanging around with? And is it true (he/she) doesn’t drive? That’s the word: (he/she) came down by bus? What’s that about?
BA: Some things are way more important that the ability to drive.
AA: Oh what’s this bullshit now?
BA: Don’t come behind the bar.
AA: Some fucking tourist, some summer fling, you’re gonna throw me out like the trash?
BA: What throw you out? We ain’t been going together for months.
AA: Whose fault is that?
BA: Get away from behind the bar. Do I gotta call Danny?
AA: Why call Danny? Move me yourself. I’m not big.
BA: Step back around. Thank you.
AA: You think you’re in love? It’s vacation sex. We used to laugh, we used to laugh at locals falling for a tourist, “yes, oh yes, I’ll be back next summer” and now you’re falling for it yourself. What’s it been, three weeks you’re hanging off each other, long walks on the beach? That’s true love?... You’re fulla shit, you’re in love with them. ‘cause you’ll never meet better than me. Falling for some asshole uses words like “perception”. What, you laughing at me now?
BA: You come here, I haven’t seen you in, how long?
AA: Waiting for you to come to your senses.
BA: Treated me like an afterthought all the time we were together.
AA: That’s your “perception”.
BA: Now all of a sudden I got somebody –
AA: You “got somebody”.
BA: Yeah, somebody real. A real person.
AA: You’re out of your fucking mind.
BA: GLENDA! Oh fuck this, I’ll take them the drinks myself. Exits
AA: There’s no way it’s real. (He/she)’s a tourist! There’s no way.
*
CC sits alone, cell phone rings, checks the number, turns off phone; enter BA
BA: Aha. Found you.
CC: Here I’m is.
BA: Woke up to an empty bed. Thought: that’s it, (he/she)’s gone.
CC: Nope. Just out here.
BA: Why so glum?
CC: Am I glum? It’s a funny word, that: glum. Almost onomatopoeic. What time is it anyway? I didn’t look.
BA: Really early. Considering what time we went to bed.
CC: That’s why nobody’s out yet, blocking my view. Mind you, this glum weather.
BA: It’ll clear up -
CC: “ – by noon”, yeah I know. You locals are programmed to say that, reassure us tourists. We only come here for your sun… There was one guy out earlier, walking his dog. Big guy, big dog. Splashing in the waves. Had the Mother of all Dumps right there in front of the deck. The dog of course, not the guy. Needed a garbage bag for the poop-scoop.
BA: You don’t have to do this.
CC: Do what?
BA: Talk. Make shit up to talk to me about. We can just sit here quiet, enjoy the ocean.
CC: You’re not cold in just your robe? It’s chilly this morning… I never understood why people would want a dog that could possibly kill them. Control issues probably: show everybody they can master this fucking beast. Got to be able to master something right? Christ knows we can’t master Life.
BA: You’re married aren’t you?
CC: I am?
BA: You got married too young. You weren’t getting along so you had a trial separation. And now after a month and a half down here you realize you still love (him/her) so you’re going back.
CC: Well…
BA: Do you have a kid?
CC: A kid?
BA: Yeah. You know, a child?
CC: Actually wasn’t it you who said “no pasts”?
BA: I don’t care about the past.
CC: Nobody can not care about the past.
BA: It’s now I’m talking about… Yeah well. Was I helpful?
CC: You feel used?
BA: I will the day you leave.
CC: Let me guess: you decide when I leave? Just so you won’t feel used.
BA: But you are leaving, right?
CC: It’s Labour Day. Holidays are over. I need to get back to work.
BA: There’s jobs here. What’s funny?
CC: You don’t know what I do.
BA: So what do you do?... It’s not the past, it’s the present since you’re going back to do whatever you do, that I don’t know a fucking thing about you. And why did you say that, “until I decide you should leave”, why do you think I’m gonna want you to leave?
CC: I’ll come back.
BA: Next summer? And I’m supposed to wait?
CC: You’ll have my number.
BA: And your email? And your face-book page?
CC: What’s a face-book?
BA: I don’t even know where you’re from.
CC: I’ll give you my address.
BA: Meaning what?
CC: Meaning you can come visit me.
BA: How far is it? Can you give me a hint? Will I have to call first? Make sure the coast is clear? Give you time to find me a room someplace?
CC: I did figure we’d have to talk about this. I just wasn’t planning on it this morning.
BA: When? It’s the last week-end.
CC: And now I’m figuring that nothing I say will be any good. So can I just say this? (Bobby/Bobbie), you look fantastic this morning.
BA: Oh, let’s go to bed, right?
CC: It’s windy out here. I think I’m getting an ear infection.
BA: OK. Fine. We’ll go back to bed.
*
DD on the phone
DD: So you’re not coming. You’re not coming. Is this what I am to understand from – No, please, just say it, can you say it? Out loud, like an adult: I’m not coming… Why the dead air? Hm? What is the matter with you? Why can’t you just say – Oh there it is. Finally. Thank you. What do you mean you’re not coming? This is one of my best friends, you have to come. You promised… I am not getting hysterical… I am not, OK OK OK OK give me a reason… Give me a – You what? You “don’t feel comfortable?” What do you mean?... What does that mean “your kind of people?” They’re my kind of people. And if you’re with me that must mean that my kind of people can be your kind of people, you just need to open your mind… I said “open your mind” What? What are you getting so upset – Hello? Hell – oh fuck.
CC: off Sound like it’s going well.
DD: (He/She)’s not coming. (He/She) doesn’t feel –
CC: Comfortable, yes I heard.
DD: You heard?
CC: They heard you in Nunavut.
DD: I guess it’s another in a series of relationships doomed not to work.
CC: Don’t say that.
DD: It’s a wedding. How intimidating can a wedding be?
CC: To some we can be quite daunting.
DD: We are not daunting.
CC: When you brought (him/her) to the department dinner a few weeks ago, (he/she) looked like a bunny in the head-lights.
DD: OK so we won’t discuss Pynchon. We’ll drink, we’ll dance, what’s the big deal and hurry up, you’re going to be late. What are you doing in there? Are you watching television?
CC: While I dress.
DD: The Olympics? You actually like that nonsense?
CC: They’re interviewing the Jamaican who won the silver. In bob-sledding.
DD: Riveting.
CC: No, think about it. A Jamaican comes to Canada and bob-sleds at a world-class level. Anything is possible
DD: The mirror in this room, does it make one look heavier? No? Shit. No wonder I’m alone. Anyway, hurry up. If you’re late they won’t blame you, they’ll blame the driver. Who will be sitting at your wedding, alone. Dateless. Again.
CC: Dateless but not alone. (He/she)’s just not coming today. But you two seem to have a connection, in spite of your… differences.
DD: Oh listen to this one, the expert. Finally getting married, after (his/her) own long list of failures, finally tying the knot and now (he/she) can, Dr. Phil-like, dole out advice to the love-lorn. I’ve been there, remember? I have seen all your experiments with all walks of life. No it’s time, at my age, to final admit that there is no connection between good sex and love.
CC: Ah but good sex in love, there is nothing better.
DD: Braggart. Tease.
CC: enters I’m just saying –
DD: Good God what are you wearing?
CC: What?
DD: Are you getting married or putting on a clown show?
CC: Is it that bad?
DD: You look like Donatella Versace threw up.
BB appears in a doorway
BB: I’m not looking.
DD: Oh my God. You shouldn’t be here. Wait. I shouldn’t be here. I’ll leave you two to… exits, from off Oh look, lucky me – the Olympics are on.
CC: We shouldn’t be seeing each other before. It’s bad luck, I think.
BB: I’m sure we can handle some bad luck, we’ve been through much worse getting to here. Anyway I’m not looking at you, I’m looking at your image in the mirror.
CC: Did you come over here without a coat? You’ll catch your death.
BB: I had to tell you this: I’ve been thinking about it all night, about everything we’ve been through and I’ve decided that I actually love you.
CC: What a co-incidence. I actually love you too.
BB: Tonight we have to give a toast to all the others that have slowed us down on our road to today.
CC: That’s a good idea. They deserve some mention.
BB: OK, hurry up, you’re not even dressed… You are dressed?
CC: I thought it would be fun. I’ll change.
BB: Or don’t.
CC: Really?
BB: If nothing else it will be memorable. Years from now they’ll say “remember what (he/she) wore at (his/her) wedding?”
CC: (Bobby/Bobbie or Charlie); we’re actually compatible aren’t we?
BB: I like to think so.
Note: for BA and/or BB use the names Bobby/Bobbie in the 2nd scene, and then either Bobby/Bobbie or Charlie in the last scene to indicate whether or not BA and BB are the same character
