HAMLET Then what’s the point if you do not breathe it in?
HORATIO We can arrange that tiny problem of yours.
HAMLET She was a loving girl. Now she’s hitting the big time. Claudius, what’s his name again?
HORATIO I am thy hearts’ domestic.
Ils s’enlacent.
HAMLET Je crois qu’elle y prend goût. Étant donné que nous nous la connaissons, le fait qu’elle ne nous appartienne plus nous rend…
HORATIO Ô, méchantes, méchantes speedes, on voit que ça glisse.
HAMLET Oui, slidy, slidy.
HORATIO Mind if I?
HAMLET No, let it be. De plus en plus de choses à trancher
HORATIO Minced meat?
HAMLET Non, je te parle de vraie viande, toute épongeante.
HORATIO Elle est née comme ça, pleine.
HAMLET Elle devient source alors, non?
HORATIO Tu t’éloignes.
HAMLET Beef loing.
HORATIO Quelle partie de l’animal?
HAMLET Le soliloque, non le solilesse, je parie que tu ne connaîs pas cette partie-là!
HORATIO En effet, là tu m’as, là t’es vite, là, je suis su’l cul.
HAMLET Entonner, qu’est-ce que ça a de si réjouissant? Comme si entonner était forcément réjouissant.
HORATIO Oui ça l’est, tout ce qui est d’accord commun est joli.
HAMLET Oui, mais tout ça est à titre explicatif. Obey. Take a bow. Murdoch, I forgot!
HORATIO You forgot who I am?
HAMLET Yes I did. But it’s just me. I’m in your way, and I’ll steal every moment.
HORATIO Ô, méchantes speedes.
HAMLET Some make-up and… add a nun! Beaucoup se moque de nous, students, colleges.
HORATIO Alors pourquoi y retourner?
HAMLET Reste que, nous avons le pouvoir de définir une ligne où mettre les dents quand…
HORATIO (interrompant Hamlet) Fire!!
HORATIO et HAMLET Gertrud, neveu.
HAMLET Alors je disais, (à Horatio) c’est bien ça? Encore et toujours ces confirmations, mais restons-en au bal.
HORATIO (met sa main devant la bouche d’Hamlet pour le faire taire) Alright, I’ll do it, makes me weak in the knees, but it’s just an illusion in the end. Come to me. (Il va vers Gertrud, tire son pantalon vers l’avant de façon à pouvoir voir à l’intérieur, montre à Hamlet) Look upon sa gaine.
GERTRUD Hamlet. That would be unappropriate.
HAMLET (à Gertrud) Yes, I know. (à Horatio) But what then, good Horatio…
HORATIO In fact, in the end, he simply unfolds an éventail of coloured meats.
HAMLET Froidement enfournée. Am I the only one embarrassed with that idea?!
CLAUDIUS Of course not, son.
HAMLET (à Gertrud) Je dormirai maintenant… (se penche vers sa culotte, pointe à l’intérieur) Mais sans tout le rond autour. Maman en manège sur papa, maman en manège. Unfolding something implies a tragedy, implies something grave, gravy with meat is something I would eat right now, but not then, why is it so?, then I thought it was a pain, but a small one. Not the gravy one. Tis’ like when you say: feed me! (regardant sa mère dans les yeux) Yes mom, students eat a lot. (pointe Horatio) And Mr. Trowant here, is a particular gourmand. I must say, he digs for his stuff. (se met à gratter le sol comme pour le creuser) You missed the solilesse so you dig further, so that you find many ways to get to the point and by that time, your hands got blue and you have to come back inside to get hot with Claudius, always that solilesse that you’re missing, you’re missing the best part, it would be indecent, but while you’re walking to it, it gives you time to think, all the way to the bed, you think, it is situated between two indefinable things, oh what a pleasure my son. Those nuns still obsess me, that last thing wasn’t true. So, I’ll break all the rooms down and yawn and walk to the valley. Boy. Yes it’s time we put your father on, it deviated and then mutated into something fascinating which you can talk about with your teeth all out like that (continue de parler en montrant les dents), perfect, then, silence… shhhhh… (pause) then shut up! (silence, à Gertrud) with the teeth baby, don’t you forget! Why I am calling you baby? There was no mere sight of anyone and it stood still and if you lingered there, seemingly, some spirit or other might might manifest itself in that space, and you might suddenly find yourself in tears. Don’t touch my trousers! (Horatio fixe Hamlet comme un spectacle et rit) Give me oceans and wheels, add wheels to something and it’ll roll, (Horatio rit de plus belle) always adding those nuns in! That gravy still grooves me mom! How can a gravy be so groovy?!
HORATIO (au bord des larmes de rire) Wait till he starts singing!
CLAUDIUS (d’une voix de ténor) STAY!
HAMLET (applaudissant) Yes! Yes, Uncle, I’ll stay…maybe I’ll take something to help me, that Horatio thing. There is so much in the same group, (regarde autour de lui) so many interesting people here… (à Gertrud) That’s what I meant to say, I meant it so badly that time. Like husband and wife, in communal pain. Is it all just about our thrust? When they appear I can’t let them be. Just surfacing. I owe you my fist, who would say fist fuck, who would say fist fuck here? (à Gertrud) Did you say fist fuck? No I didn’t. That’s a good thing to know, mom, that would’ve embarrassed me. To your lady grinning soul. (embrasse la main de Gertrud) Am I the only one embarrassed with that idea?!
CLAUDIUS Of course not, son.
HAMLET What a great formulation! The whore’s talking, but you’ll have to do something Claudio, because I’ll never stay this time. A periscopal view could be efficient. When you need it, you put an eye on it. (fait un clin d’oeil à Claudius) After you can decorate the little grave with your cherry or mine eye.
Horatio rit tellement qu’il doit aller aux toilettes.
HAMLET I’ll accompany him.
GERTRUD Don’t you think that dog deserves you more than we do?
HAMLET The fact is that your status is quite abstract for a boy like me and the fact that that dog wants to pee is more comforting and tangible… we all are a bit insecure… nay… I would refer to thy vessie, fair Queen, to do the right thing, mom, choose the right thing.
HORATIO I would like a dimly lit room, dimly lit, dimly quick.
HAMLET Why am I so tired?
HORATIO Always reversing things over.
HAMLET Commission drains. Engines and rituals. And that ear chunk in the buffet. Too wasted to fall back. I was cautious, kept surrending, but did it well. To the ground, give the job my bones have accomplished till tis’ very day. To the ground, give the job my inflated muscles usually take on.
GERTRUD I could, but I prefer to be watched.